How not to ask someone out

18th of October

An IM conversation I had with a boy from school, who happens to be a total player. Ask me not his reason for wanting to go out with me; we’ve spoken about four words to each other in our entire time of schooling.

I don’t get boys.

N.B I’m a_dorkable<3 and he’s cricketfanatic801

Cricketfanatic801: Will you go out with me?

a_dorkable<3: I fear I cannot, for not only do I hold you in low esteem, my heart belong to a fictional character for whom I have much affection.

Cricketfanatic801: Ummm…

a_dorkable<3: No.

Cricketfanatic801: Why not?

a_dorkable<3: Forsooth! Are you blind, man? I hath no wish to partake in your folly. Thrust your unhonourable intentions on another; I have no need of them.

Cricketfanatic801: What? What are you even talking about?

a_dorkable<3: If that was not reason enough, you’re also an illiterate pleb. I would not burden myself with the likes of you.

Cricketfanatic801: Can you even talk like a normal person?

Cricketfanatic801: ……..

Cricketfanatic801: Jessi? Hello? Are you there?

Cricketfanatic801: I still want to talk to you

Cricketfanatic801: Jessi?

Cricketfanatic801: I’ll never understand you

Cricketfanatic801 has signed off

a_dorkable<3: exactly, you scoundrel.