Friday, 17 May 2013

What is this Life



I apologise because I am a horrible person who should be destroyed.
Yes, I haven’t written anything for aggggggggges.
But you have to understand that I’ve been drowning in a blogging hole of depression, lying on my floor writhing around and going
                ‘ugghhhhhh. Why do I even botherrrr? It’s not like anyone even reads this junk …. oh god no one caresss about my screwed up life.’
But, apparently, people do. Or, at least, one of my awkward internet friends, who lets call Rose shall we, she does.
SHOUT OUT TO HER she knows who she is.
She wanted to know what happened on the fateful day of the Birthday Party With Tristan.
And I thought if I had to type it all out for her I mays well just tell all you internet randoms as well.
so yeah.
This is how it all happened …
*insert fade-out to black and white footage*
I was totally pumped on the day, dressed up in my Aayla Secura outfit, and I must admit I was looking particularly lovely that day, though admittedly I was also blue.
Ruby was being her usual Padme-ish self, and we were rocking this town.
Basically, the birthday party was epic. There was around 15 of us there, including Tristan in his super-good-looking bounty hunter mode.
And long story short (I’m skipping out the rest of it because it gives me too much mental anguish) Tristan is now Ruby’s boyfriend.
Yeah, believe me you don’t want to know.
What’s that I hear? You do?
Well, okay then, I’ll relent.
But I warn you it’s horrific.
Well so there I am in my happy little beautiful innocent world at this point in time. Epic party, the little kids all think I’m cool even though the majority of them have no idea who I am, and one guy asked if I was meant to be the fat blue guy from doctor who (like, what the actual hell. Just because we’re both blue.)
So I was talking to this little girl who was around six years old, and incredibly cute. And I was feeling pretty pro because I had acquired the best kid at the party.
So Tristan and I were having a conversation while this kid was busy sitting on my shoulders eating an icecream.
And now some of you begin to see where this is going.
Yeah, she dropped it onto my head.
Which managed to not only destroy a few hundred pounds worth of costume, but also was basically social suicide.
So I excused myself rather quickly and washed it off my head and couldn’t bear to go back so i just went home.
And I had to catch the tube in an Aayla Secura outfit.
Luckily I was unrecognisable.
But that happened about a month and a bit ago and I haven’t talked to him since, though he did call a couple of times, because every time I consider it, my mind just plays me a mental video clip of what i would have looked like with a scoop of ice-cream running it’s way down my face.
and then i retreat back to my bedroom and the comfort of the internet.
But yeah moving along to about a week ago, Ruby just turned up at my house with this totally ditzed out smile on her face and casually announced that she and Tristan were now an item.
She didn’t know I had any interest in him because I am one of those social awkwards who can’t communicate their feelings, but still.
So yeah. There it is.
Now I just have to continue to live in the eternal hope that I’ll somehow get married to either Dan Howell or Phil Lester and then she’ll be jealous.
Let’s just go with that.

Sunday, 7 April 2013

Saddest Book/Movies Character Deaths

These are the people who died in either books or movies I watched and it depressed me to the tenth power, ranked in order of how much I died inside (or, in some cases, even cried a small river). *Warning! Contains spoilers from Hunger Games, Harry Potter and Star Wars*
I haven’t actually put the worst character death of all time on this list, because it’s from The Fault in Our Stars, and I want EVERYONE to read it and if you read about the death of that character here, it completely pretty much destroys the entire storyline. So technically, Finnick’s death was the 2nd most tragic.

1.       Finnick Odair

He was so beautiful, and now he is so dead. The worst part was that his death was practically completely pointless, and keeping him alive would have barely changed the storyline at all. It was pretty heartbreaking when I first read it, as he was my absolute favourite character, but them, right at the end, it says something about a ‘picture of Annie and her newborn son’ and that was the final straw that broke the camel’s back, thinking about how absolutely terrible it all was, and how he never got to meet his son, and he really deserved to be able to live happily after how abysmal President Snow made his life, but no. Suzanne Collins decided to be evil.
AND NOW HE’S DEAD.

 2.       Fred Weasley

Fred and George were the only Weasleys I liked (sorry to all you Ron fans out there; he really just doesn’t do it for me) and in the space of around 800 pages, one of them lost and ear and the other one was dead. And, of course, J.K. Rowling killed off the better of the two. I know there really wasn’t that much different between them, but Fred had the better name, and most of the punch-lines in their jokes. The thing is, the two of them were both the happiest people in this series full of angst and depression, and it was sort of like Fred’s death took all the light out of the books. Reading the series over again, it’s so depressing because you know what’s coming. There was this one bit that almost had me in tears:
 ‘When I get married,’ said Fred, tugging at the collar of his robes, ‘I won’t be bothering with any of this nonsense. You can all wear what you like, and I’ll put a full Body-Bind Curse on Mum until it’s all over.’
‘When I get married,’ said Fred.
‘When I get married.’
I would have married him …. :(

 

3.       Severus Snape

Yet another depressing death, courtesy of J.K. Rowling (and there’s more coming). Snape’s death was sad, because you spent the entire seven books going ‘Snape’s evil! No wait, now he’s good. And now he’s evil again. And now he’s good. And now ….’ you get the picture.
Then you finally find out that he is, in fact, good.
And also that he was in love with Lily Evans and that James Potter was a total jerk to him, and then stole Lily from him. Then Snape had to spend numerous years pretending to work for Voldemort, and then he was forced to kill one of his oldest friends, and take the blame for absolutely everything that happened, even though, in reality, he was helping Harry. And in the end, he gives his life trying to help Harry in his quest to kill Voldemort.
I’m just choosing to refuse to believe that this happened, and I am instead following ‘How Harry Potter Should Have Ended’ and letting him live. Also, I’ve decided that his reasoning for showing Harry his memories of Lily was to reveal to Harry that, in fact, Harry is Snape’s son, because Lily was actually in love with Snape not James, and Harry was just too thick to get this message.

 
4.       Primrose Everdeen

Originally, I didn’t really find Prim’s death that sad, because I was so caught up in the rest of the book. She wasn’t really one of my favourite characters, and I was still dying an emotional death from Finnick dying a proper death. The thing that made it pretty horrific was the way that she died. Being burned to death is not a way I’d want to go. The bit that really made it sad was where Katniss has gone back to District 12, and she finds Buttercup, and she gets really depressed and starts yelling at him.
‘She’s not coming back! She’s never ever coming back here again!’ Out of nowhere ,the tears begin to pour down my cheeks. ‘She’s dead. She’s dead, you stupid cat. She’s dead.’
It made me pretty depressed, especially because the entire reason this whole entire Hunger Games fiasco started because she volunteered for Prim in the reaping, and in the end, as a result of her actions in the games, Prim ended up dying anyway.
It makes it all seem rather pointless, doesn’t it?

5.       Will
No this is not Will Herondale (thank the lord) because otherwise this would be up the top of the ist, this is Will from Divergent. Will was a lovely, funny character and, apart from Tobias, the person I like the most in Divergent. But then Veronica Roth (cruel as she is) decided that he was going to be the one who Tris was forced to shoot when she was trying to get back to the place her family was hidden. And sure, he was trying to kill her too, but he didn’t know what he was doing. He was under the mind controlley thingo, and he was just doing as he was commanded. I mean, not everyone can be a Divergent. It wasn’t his fault. But no, Tris decided ‘I need to get away’ so she shot him, which I guess was fair enough. But what I don’t understand is why she shot him IN THE HEAD. Shoot in in the shoulder, for heaven’s sake. That would’ve given her enough time to get away, and probably wouldn’t have killed him, but no, she bloody shot him in the head. And then she cries about how she killed him. YEAH DUH SHOOTING HIM IN THE HEAD IS GONNA KILL HIM. Didn’t think that one through too well, did you Tris?

6.       Tonks and Lupin
Here we go, another Harry Potter death. Or deaths, really. I put these two together because they kind of go together, being married and all. When I read about them dying, in The Deathly Hallows, it wasn’t really that sad, because there were so many other deaths, and neither of them had really been major character who I like that much. I got a little bit depressed when it had the bit about their son, Teddy. I felt pretty sad for him. But the movie was what really made these two deaths sink in. The bit where they’re lying on their little bed things, and they stretch out their hands, but they can’t touch each other. I was sitting there in the cinema, and I was like ‘Bloody hell! Can’t someone see the mental anguish that this is causing me? Just move their beds over already, for goodness sake.’ But no one did. And then they were dead :(

So yaah there you go, little sad that the majority of these deaths are caused by Suzanne Collins and J.K. Rowling (plus Veronica Roth and John Green). BECAUSE I LOVE THE BOOKS BUT I HATE THEM AT THE SAME TIME. So many dead ….
The characters may be fictional, but believe me, the emotional damage is completely real.

Monday, 4 March 2013

Movies that everyone should be forced to Watch

This is very hard for me and this list is going to be very long. I am unable to do the whole ‘write out the back of the movie case because I fail at summarising’ thing, like I did with books, because that would take up about 50 bajillion posts. So yaah. I shall stop rambling now and begin.

MOVIES

1.       ……

ohmigosh it is too hard trying to decide what order to put them in because I really don’t have a favourite movie, I have around 17 favourite movies, so I am just going to put down the main-ish ones in no specific order

 
SPIDERMAN: THE MOVIE (AND BY THIS I MEAN THE NEW ONE)

 
Yes, I know I’m biased, because I have been in love with Andrew Garfield ever since he was in that Doctor Who episode, but this movie really was great. Spiderman is my favourite superhero, (closely followed by Ironman and Captain America) and I still liked the Toby McGuire ones, even though he did kinda look like he spent too much time eating lemons. Andrew Garfield was ahmazinnng as Spiderman and also hilarious, and basically it was just a good movie about a guy with spider superpowers beating up a giant lizard-man. This really technically just translates to the fact that everyone should watch every superhero movie ever, because they are all brilliant, and the Avengers and The Dark Knight Rises are a very close second to Spiderman, but yeah, I’m just a spidey fan really :3

 
THE HUNGER GAMES

 
Yes, I know I said the book is better than the movie (and it is) but this was still a pretty great movie, and it followed the book to a T, thank you very much. I remember, in the days after it came out, sitting next to two girls who were talking about it, and one of them was like ‘oh yeah, it was terrible, and nothing like the book.’ and I felt like jumping up and being all ‘oh hell to the no you did not just say that. Please sister, a little respect.’ because obviously she had not read the book properly, if she had even actually read the book at all. But yeah now I’m over that tirade, it’s good.

 
LORD OF THE RINGS/THE HOBBIT

 
Both of these were brilliant, and I can’t decide which was better. I lean more towards the Hobbit because Bilbo is a better main character than Frodo, and also I do forsee that the battle against Smaug the dragon is going to be Epic. Basically, there both movies about short people going on epic journeys, with many, many, aerial battle shots, and basically just lots of epicness, and oh yes there is also a disembodied eyeball. And Gollum. Gollum is the bestest.

 
STARWARS (ALL OF THEM)

 
If you haven’t seen these, then your parents probably have, and you should watch them. The original trilogy has a bit too much crying in it, and the prequels have a bit too much kissing in them, but that aside, they are very epic. The best thing about these movies is the huge expanded universe they come with, because there is a massive amount of stuff out there about the Starwars world. Really though, it’s a must see. Giant teddy bears, terrible haircuts, and a healthy dose of incest, just to make things interesting. Also, if you watch them now, you can cash in one the hype before the new Starwars movie comes out in 2015, and be one of those annoying people who tells everyone ‘I saw that before it was cool.’

 
ALL THE DISNEY PRINCESS MOVIES

 
I know this is somewhat unprecedented, especially considering all of the other movies on this list, which involve huge amounts of fighting and explosions, but hey, I’m a sucker for Disney movies. I know it’s somewhat of a shameful thing to admit, but I LOVE THEM SO MUCH.

It’s probably because I’m one of those people who have no real life actual romantic experience, so I have to live vicariously through cartoon characters.

And really, I’m not such a fan of the old disney princess movies (i.e. Cinderella, Snow White and Sleeping Beauty) because they were created in a time when macho-ism was highly appreciated and degradation of the fairer gender was at an all-time high (and don’t even get me started on that issue). So basically those three princesses just sit around and do what everyone tells them, occasionally doing really stupid things like taking the apples that a creepy old lady gives them and eating them (stranger danger much), until their handsome prince comes and rescues them.

Not particularly the greatest (or most original) storyline ever.

I like The Little Mermaid the most,(now you all know why I made Ariel win The Disney Princess Hunger Games) because she goes and does what she wants, even though her father tells her not to, and though some (quite) bad stuff happens along the way, it all turns out better in the end than it would have if she had listened to him and just stayed safely under the sea forever.

Also because her best friend is a singing Jamaican crab, which is just cool.

Thursday, 14 February 2013

Happy Valentine Morgenstern day

The title of this post is a joke. Unfortunately, anyone who hasn’t read Mortal Instruments (otherwise known as most of the world) won’t get it.
But believe me, it’s pretty funny.
Soooo yeah I don’t really get the point of this day, because the only purpose it seems to serve is to make all us relationshipless peeps feel like saddo loners. While all the couples at school spend this day being all romantic lovey-dovey and giving each other flowers and reciting terrible poetry, the rest of us are all ‘FOREVER ALONE!’ and just cry hysterically in a corner.
It doesn’t help when your stunningly beautiful best friend can’t come over to have a LOTR movie marathon with you because she is off with boyfriend number 57.
So you get to sit all alone at home in a pile of rejectedness.
Because sure, I’d love to spend my time on a date with my boyfriend. I’m guessing it would be ab-so-lute-ly lovely.
Unfortunately, he lives in 18th Century England. Which could easily be solved with my time machine, but wait, no it couldn’t, because there is yet another obstacle in the way of our love.
He’s not even a real person.
So unless any one knows a Silvertongue (no? no takers?) I am pretty much stuffed.
So instead of sinking further into the pit of depression as I opened the door to let my elder sister’s boyfriend in, laden with roses and chocolates as he was, I decided I must do something about this.
So I decided to look up gifs of cats with lightsabers.
Because that makes everything better.
And also Squirrels.

:P
I also found this somewhere among the dusty corners of the internet and this is also a joke, though it also won’t make sense unless you have read The Mortal Instruments (which you really all should)


 And now my short stint in the land of sadliness is over, and I am going to go write fanfics about me and Will Herondale on a date together in, oh, I don’t know, some romantic planet where my other boyfriend, The Doctor, is going to take us. (The Doctor and I can go on a Valentine’s Day date whenever we want – these are the perks of having a Timelord boyfriend.)
So Toodle-pip!

Monday, 11 February 2013

The Phone Call of DESTINY

HE FINALLY CALLED.
HE SERIOUSLY ACTUALLY CALLED.
*dies*
I had all but given up on him. Waiting for over a month for a single call does not do good things for a girl. Also I was starting to fell all needy and stereotypically teenagerish, jumping for my mobile every time it rang and being all ‘ohmigosh it might be him!’ and then crying tears of pain when it wasn’t.
So yaah he called and I didn’t even check caller ID because I assumed it would be Ruby, because this was the momentous Day that she was going to attempt to dye her hair lilac, and she had told me about ten minutes ago she would call back in ten minutes.
So I was on TOR and was highly distracted when the phone rang, so I just picked it up and shoved it to my ear, my witty and seductive opening line being:
‘So did it work or does it look terrible? And be quick about it please because I think I’m about to enter a full scale battle here and my character’s health is way down, so I’m kinda stressed.’
Silence from the other end of the line.
‘Ummm Ruru? You there? Is your hair really that bad?’
Then came the sound of someone clearing their throat. A decidedly masculine someone.
‘Oh cheesecakes, you’re not Ruby are you? Wow that’s awkward.’
'Hey.’ the stranger said.
‘Hey.’ I replied.
[insert awkward silence here]
‘Umm so, it’s me, Teddy, remember me, from the shopping centre? And yeah, um hi.’
I felt like screaming to the world “HE CALLED ME! HECALLEDMEHECALLEDMEHECALLEDME! HE CALLED ME AND NOT YOU HAH TAKE THAT!!!!!
But I didn’t because I’m not weird.
Not that weird, at least.
So instead I just casually went, ‘Oh yeah, the Sith, I remember you. Hey.’
[insert more awkward silence here]
‘So, um, we’re doing another thing pretty soon … it’s not actually a demonstration, it’s for some kid’s birthday party …. we’re getting paid for it, and the parents want as many of us to come as possible. So Thalia said to call and invite you and your friend. We have extra Jedi stuff if you need it….’
I silently pumped my fist in the air, danced around my room and screamed for joy.
Then I realised that all this celebrating had gone on for some time and it would probably be best to actually reply.
‘Oh yeah, that’d be pretty cool. We won’t need any cosplay stuff though. Ruby already has just normal Jedi clothes, and I, well actually I should probably check this is okay, but I have an Aayla Secura outfit … is that fine to wear? Because it just seemed that all of you guys had just normal stuff on apart from Darth Maul.’
I heard him kind of laugh, I think it may have been at the fact that I had an Aayla Secura outfit (hey it’s not my fault that my all-time favourite Starwars character has an aversion to clothes. Anyway, I’m painted blue, so it’s not like anything you can see is my actual skin) but he regained his composure and replied.
‘That was just because we wanted to appear more normal in the shopping centre. Everyone goes pretty all out for these other sort of things though. We get Kit Fitso’s, Clone Troopers, Emperors, pretty much everyone. My actual costume isn’t even a Jedi …. I’m, uh, Jango Fett.’
‘Jango Fett? I’m impressed. That is pretty darn cool. One of my friends was set on getting a Boba costume for some time, but they just cost so darn much. He ended up being Quinlan Vos in the end.’
Then the shining light of brilliance fell upon me.
‘Hey, would it be okay for me to bring another friend or two, apart from just Ruby? ‘Cause I know a few people who would probs be willing to help out.’
‘Yeah, that’d be fine, we’re getting paid per person, so it won’t change the amount of cash we receive. So … from the sound of things, you’re coming?’
‘Hopefully, just give me the deets and I’ll check it all out.’
So I got times, dates and addresses, and now it is official.
I am going to see him again in another two weeks.
Admittedly with a bunch of my friends and half his grade in tow, but still ….
*squee*
:D

Tuesday, 5 February 2013

I Have Found a New Love

I have found a new love. No longer will I harp after poor disillusioned Teddy. Who needs him? Certainly not I. Tobias, Peeta and Augustus – I’m sorry. We can no longer be together. I may still keep up my side relationships with The Doctor and Will Herondale, but all other romantic ties must be cut to create space for my recently discovered other half.
K-pop.
Specifically, Super Junior and SHINee.
Specifically Kyuhyun and Eunhyuk.
BECAUSE THEY ARE SO BEAUTIFUL.
And they can also sing, dance and act.
Question: why is there no English speaking bands that manage to combine all these talents? Except for, of course, Jedward, all others fail (I’m sorry Ed and Adam; I still love youse. Anyways you guys aren’t even bands.)
But yaah back on topic (excuse tangents) Rubes and I were just casually trawling the internet (as you do) and ended up on a Girls Generation video (which is also vaguely decent) which then took us to a Super Junior video.
And I instantly fell in love.
Ruru totally didn’t get it. She was all ‘I’m sorry, but I just don’t find them attractive at all.’
And I was like ‘Oh, but I totally do.’
According to her, they all look slightly like chicks, ‘cuz of the really fine bone structure and occasional long hair. My answer to that is that they may not be hot ….. in fact the best word to describe them appearance wise is most likely beautiful, which feels weird to say about guys, though it’s true, but lordy, are they good looking.
Cept the best looking out of all of them (and also, in my opinion, the best singer) is Kyuhyun, who is SO CUTE *fangirl spazzes*
Except on par of how much I am in love with them, he’s level with Eunhyuk, who, originally, I was not at all sure if he was attractive or not, but then I watched a few of the videos, and he’s the lead dancer, right, and he’s ABSOLUTLEY INCREDIBLE. Like, I mean his dancing is ah-ma-zing. And then, magically he just became half a million times more attractive because of that fact, and also, when I was watching youtube videos of interviews and stuff they are all SO NICE. And maybe it’s because of the different customs in Korea, and maybe the translation down the bottom was the politest version of Korean or something but ahhhhh I love them so much.The other band who I think is pretty and also pretty cool, is SHINee. Their name is cooler. The best of their songs is Sherlock, which also has a pretty cool video clip, and Hello is also pretty good, though somewhat cheesy. I don’t know any of the actual band members names, as I don’t stalk them quite as possessively as the guys from Super Junior. There was one bit, in the Sherlock video clip, where I had a total Jem moment, because one of the guys was sitting on a chair with a violin in his lap, so I was forced to freeze frame it and cry silently as I remembered the pain which both Jem and Will are most likely shortly going to experience.
So if you think music in a different language is cool (and believe me, the songs are really catchy) you should check it out. The best Super Junior songs are Mr Simple and Break Down, though Only You is very, very cute and they are all even more beautiful than usual (though unfortunately Eunhyuk doesn’t make an appearance). If you are on the lookout for the beautiful Kyuhyun and Eunhyuk, to make it easier, I have taken the liberty of creating this beautiful image. Eunhyuk is the one with the silver hair, and Kyuhyun is the SUPERCUTE one.
SHINee’s most notable songs are, as I said before, Sherlock and Hello, but Sherlock has a tres awesome video clip, and the best looking guy in it is the one who wears the top hat and Harry Potter glasses.
So yaah.
Not quite sure of how to finish all this off so I’m just going to leave now and go one youtube so I can watch more Korean music.
Cuz I’m just cool that way.

Saturday, 2 February 2013

Cast List of My Life

Soooo
I thought I should probably do something like this for clarification, so that when I mention someone who I’ve never actually told you about before you can come back to this and be all ‘ahhh, so that’s  who that is.’
Yeah … so this is the major people and other randoms who torture me daily with their presence (and some of whom torture me daily by me being without their presence.)

 Me: well duh who I am. I’m me and my name is Jessi Hunt (or at least that’s what I’m telling y’all).
If you don’t know nothing bout me (apart from the fact that my grammar is appalling) read the FIRST THING I EVER POSTED. Ahh I was so young and innocent then …. those were the good old days.

 Ruby: mah bestie. Commonly also referred to as Rubes, Ruby-Rubes, Ruru, or whatever I feel like calling her at that given point in time. It changes. Frequently.  She’s my fellow Nerdfighter, Whovian, Tribute, Demigod, Shadowhunter, Potterhead, and really whatever I feel like being. I am not sure really why she hangs out with me, apart from the fact we relate, because she is beautiful and could be popular but is not because I just bring her down (like the deadweight I am). She still manages to have an impressive string of boyfriends. I think she’s somewhere around number 54 now. She is sometimes not entirely sure about the strange things I do, but she helps me to scale back on the insanity and I help her to live a little.

 Charlie: that other person who I sometimes hang out with when Ruby is away. Also known as Charlotte. Small, mousy, glassered and shy – basically your stereotypical nerdgirl. She is also pretty cool but constantly has no idea what I’m saying, as the only fandoms she follows are Harry Potter and Hunger Games. As well as Twilight. Not that being a Twihard is really a proper fandom. She and I do English together. We basically slack off and watch anime. fun.

 Alice: my older sister. Practically the devil incarnate. She is eighteen and the world revolves around her. Or so she thinks. (how can it revolve around her, when it really revolves around me?) She thinks I am a crime against humanity, as the only branded clothes I wear are Converses and Docs. Mum is always saying that I could be beautiful like her if I wanted to, (which is basically saying that I’m not beautiful at the moment. Yeah, good work there mum.) which I don’t, because that would involve spending huge amounts of time in front of the mirror, precious moments when I could be doing important things like … I don’t know …. playing TOR or reading. It is her life’s mission to make my life hell, which she does by disconnecting my computer from the internet, hacking into all my accounts, (which can be bad and not so bad. Pottermore: wasn’t that bad. She couldn’t really do much damage. If she got her hands on this blog? End of the world as I know it.) hiding alarm clocks under my bed set to go off at three in the morning, and numerous other evil things.

Katy: the devil’s advocate. Six years old. Gets her kicks out of painting my clothes different colours, waking me up by sitting on my head, and repeating everything I say. Code word: annoying. Ruby thinks she’s cute but I know the truth.

Mum and Dad: basically? They’re mum and dad. They make the rules and refuse to give me the huge amounts of money I really, really need.

 Theodore: That incredibly cute guy I met during ‘the battle for the shopping centre.’ (read for more info). He gave me his number and I gave him mine. That was over a month ago. I’m still waiting for him to call L

 Thalia: Ruby and I also met her during ‘the battle for the shopping centre.’ I think she thinks I’m a little strange (or more than a little) she and Ruby hit it off pretty well though. Hopefully we end up being friends as I really don’t know that many people and this way if I go through with my re-creation of Eragon (because the actual movie was terrible) I need more people to fill up my cast list.

 John: That guy I wasted 8 months of my life on. Funny story that. Have to tell you sometime. (or not)

 Fletcher: That guy Ruby wasted about 8 minutes of her life on. And he was the nicer of the two. I’m kinda friends with him … we say hi in hallways and stuff. Technically we are also in a band together (probs more on that later)

 Alec: Fletcher’s friend who was also part of our band for the short time it existed. Played guitar/electric guitar. He’s pretty cool but I don’t see him much ‘cuz he goes to a different school to me.

 That is basically it … little sad really, looking at my amount of friends (which is stunningly huge) I’m not one of those super-popular peeps whose list would be fifty bazillion pages long. Not that I want to be. What would I do with all those friends? I’d probably forget their names.

Saturday, 26 January 2013

Epic Names for Non-existent Bands

Yes, when I am bored, I make up band names. Ruby and I are actually in a band with Charlie and Fletcher and one of Fletcher’s friends Alec (I play drums). Our name is Rock Solid Panda and we don’t actually really do anything performance wise; it’s more for the street cred. We did have a couple of practices in Fletcher’s shed, but we kind of disbanded though when Ruby dumped Fletcher. But, on my original topic, here are some band names I made up.

Army of Angels
Millennium Lint
Inky Fingers
Total Strangers
The Lovesick Moo-Cows
One Little Star
The Rebellion
We Eat People
Vanilla Stars
Iron Hearts
This Endless War
I’ll Tell You Tomorrow
Beware the Squirrels
Handle With Care
Legion of the Dead
Rainbow Hearts
Broken Piano
The Loser Dudes
Point Blank
Fallen Angels
Fragile Things
Order and Discord
Down the Rabbit Hole
Paper Birds
Still Fighting It
Dancing in the Darkness
Choose Your Weapon
Lost Souls
Aliens Anonymous

 I came up with most of these, but Point Blank and Choose Your Weapon are trademarked by Fletcher, Beware The Squirrels was courtesy of Ruby, Alec came up with Total Strangers and Aliens Anonymous, One Little Star was Charlie’s, and I kind of kidnapped Millennium Lint off Cassandra Clare. Which are your favourites?

Monday, 21 January 2013

My Favourite Word (and why it is so)

Ahhh yes, a dare from my friends over at Nanowrimo. They are helping me in my nefarious plan to suffocate you all in a mountain of my blog posts.
Well yes, I have to say what my favourite word is and why ….
Which is somewhat fitting since my entire last post was about coolness words. And while I do indeed love the word quiddity (it just sounds so damn cool. and it makes me think of Harry Potter) my All Time Favourite Word is ….
(drum roll please)
anemone
Damn yeah it’s just that cool. And I know it’s a completely random word, but it’s just so fun to say!
anemone. anemone.
anenenemonemone.
anemone.
And it’s also one of those words how you say it lots and lots of times and it just loses all meaning whatsoever (actually all words do this for me but meh its funny)
anemonemonemone.
and also it is spelt funny. It’s one of those words that you write correctly, but then, even though you know it’s right, you just sit there and stare at it forever, questioning it’s existence.
anenenenemonone.
And also it has absolutely no synonyms. It’s the ONLY word in the world that means what it does.
anemanemanemone.
IT’S JUST SO FUUUUUUUNNNNNN!!!! ^_______^
I yuv it.

 

Saturday, 19 January 2013

How to Make Yourself Intelligent

I have just discovered something marvellous! This incredible innovation is certain to change the lives of slacking teenagers everywhere! The Intelligence Pill™ is guaranteed to make you 95% smarter than you really are! Ace tests, wow your friends and just generally be amazing! The Intelligence Pill™ retails at only one billion pounds per pill, and will (most likely) be shipped to your house within a hundred years of purchase. Buy The Intelligence Pill™ today and you WON’T regret it.

Okay, so maybe I don’t really have a pill that will make you super smart (I wish), but I DO have something EVEN BETTER.
Super long cool sounding words.
They make you sound like a genius, but they are completely FREE. I myself am quite sesquipedalian (given to the use of long words) and when my friends and I confabulate (discuss something) they often find me quite prolix (tiresomely wordy) as they say my extensive vocabulary is otiose (serving no useful purpose).
Here are some of my favourites:

Gallimaufry: a collection of odds and ends
Prestidigitation: sleight of hand used while performing magic tricks
Chthonic: dwelling beneath the surface of the earth
Pusillanimous: lacking courage or resolution
Hebetude: mental lethargy, stupidity or sluggishness
Esurient: extremely hungry or greedy
Ratiocination: the process of logical and methodical reasoning

 Some people may find this pointless, but for others, it may be their quiddity (the distinctive quality of someone or something). I mean, imagine complaining to your mother about how obstreperous (noisy and unruly) your siblings are. You may become invidious (likely to arouse resentment or envy) which could make you lugubrious (extremely mournful or sad), but think of how astonished your friends and family will be at your new-found intelligence! Just pop a couple of these beauties into an assignment, and you’re pretty much guaranteed and A! (no promises).
So use this cheaper alternative to The Intelligence Pill™ and I assure that you’ll be amazed by the results.

Tuesday, 15 January 2013

Books/Series that everyone should be forced to read.

This is something that I’ve been meaning to do for quite a while but never have. Until now. So here it is. My list of books/series that everyone should be forced to read, ranked in order of complete epicness.

 
1.       THE INFERNAL DEVICES by Cassandra Clare

 
Only the greatest series on the face of the earth. Written by one Cassandra Clare, it is simply beautiful. At least, William Herondale, one of its 3 main characters, is. (Yes, now you all know where he’s from. Now you should go and read it to find out what the fuss is about.) This series has nowhere near the amount of recognition that it should. Brilliantly written, with amazing characters, wonderful jokes, and an awesome main storyline. Gaze upon the words written on the back cover:
When sixteen-year-old Tessa Gray arrives in England during the reign of Queen Victoria, something terrifying Is waiting for her in London’s Downworld, where vampires, warlocks and other supernatural folk stalk the gaslit streets. Friendless and hunted, Tessa seeks refuge with the Shadowhunters, a band of warriors dedicated to ridding the world of demons. Drawn ever deeper into their world, she finds herself fascinated by – and torn between – two best friends and quickly realizes that love may be the most dangerous magic of all.
Yes, I know the last line there makes it sound all romantic and lovey-dovey, and there is some romantic angst, but mostly she’s just busy trying not to get killed in a multitude of different ways. It’s good, trust me.

 
2.       THE HUNGER  GAMES by Suzanne Collins

 
Yes, most of you are probably already aware of ‘the Hunger Games Phenomenon’ and may have even read the books, but for those of you who haven’t, DO IT. The first book is even better than the movie (by far) and the second and third are also incredibly amazing. Admittedly, I did almost kill myself at the end of the third book, because I was totally not happy with a bunch of the characters dying, but if it had been written any other way I probably would have been all *pfft* like hell it ended up that happily.
In a dark vision of the near future, a terrifying reality TV show is taking place. Twelve boys and twelve girls are forced to appear in a live event called the Hunger Games. There is only one rule: kill or be killed. When sixteen-year-old Katniss Everdeen steps forward to take her sister’s place in the games, she sees it as a death sentence. But Katniss has been close to death before. For her, survival is second nature.
So yeah, basically just your average book about teenagers killing each other. It’s amazing, if somewhat disturbed.

 
3.       THE FAULT IN OUR STARS by John Green

When I read this, I cried. Yes, really. I stayed strong through a multitude of deaths in the Hunger Games, I stayed strong when Tessa picked the wrong boy in The Infernal Devices.
But in this book, I cried.
And cried, and cried, and cried and cried.
And whenever I read it I cry again.
And then I told Ruby about it and she read it and she cried. (But she cried in Shrek when Shrek thought Fiona loved someone else so yeah.)
But I also laughed hysterically because it is very funny. And I love all the characters and basically I just love love love everything about this book.
Despite the tumour-shrinking medical miracle that has bought her a few years, Hazel has never been anything but terminal, her final chapter inscribed upon diagnosis. But when a gorgeous plot twist named Augustus Waters suddenly appears at Cancer Kid Support Group, Hazel's story is about to be completely rewritten.
Basically, you should read it. So you can cry too.

 
4.       PERCY JACKSON by Rick Riordan

 
This movie was terrible. Just putting it out there to start off with. Technically, it was an okay movie, but in comparison to the books, it epic failed. Basically because they completely destroyed the storyline. And now they’re making another one. What is the world coming too? At least with Eragon, they had the decency to let it drop once they realised the first movie they’d made had failcaked.
But no. They’ve dug Percy Jackson’s grave, and now they’re dancing on it.
Is there no respect?
But back on topic, I actually prefer the Heroes of Olympus (the second series) to the original Percy Jackson series, but you kind of need to read them in order.  So yeah.
Look, I didn’t want to be a half-blood. I never asked to be the son of a Greek God.
I was just a normal guy, going to school, playing basketball, skateboarding. The usual. Until I vaporized my maths teacher. That’s when things really started going wrong. Now I spend my time fighting with swords, battling monster with my friends, and generally trying to stay alive.
This is the one where Zeus, God of the Sky, thinks I’ve stolen his lightning bolt – and making Zeus angry is a very bad idea.
Funnily enough, I don’t remember him ever skateboarding. Or playing basketball. But meh.
Just take a look at some of the chapter names, to sense it’s awesomeness. ‘Three Old Ladies Knit the Socks of Death’, ‘A God Buys Us Cheeseburgers’, and the ever classic ‘I Plunge to My Death.’

 
5.       DIVERGENT by Veronica Roth

 
I swear, this is going to be the Next Big Thing. Seriously. They’re making a movie of it, and it’s going to go completely viral. It’s pretty epic (as it must be to make it’s way onto this list) and the main character is probably more ‘normal people relatable’ than Katniss and her mental issues.  And yes, this is another futuristic novel (I liyek dem)
One choice decides your friends, defines your beliefs and determines you loyalties … forever.
When sixteen-year-old Tris makes her choice, she cannot forsee how drastically her life will change. Or that the perfect society in which she lives is about to unfold into a Dystopian world of electrifying decisions, stunning consequences, heartbreaking betrayals and unexpected romance.
Once choice can transform you.
Yaah it’s cool. (though I have noticed everyone seems to be sixteen-year-old. Coincidence? I think not.)

 
And yes, I know, Harry Potter did not make it onto this list. It would be next, along with The Mortal Instruments and the Inheritance Cycle. But I do not have all day (I do really – the benefits of having no social life) and Harry’s anger management issues deter me somewhat. So this is the end of the list.

 
Look out for Movies that everyone should be forced to watch, and Youtubers that everyone should be aware of, probably coming soon(ish).

Saturday, 12 January 2013

The Hunger Games X Disney Princesses

Rapunzel gazed out at the arena. A large forest spread out before her, and in the distance she could see a lake. What mattered though was the Cornucopia in front of her. She searched the piles in front of it with her eyes, scanning them for the weapon she knew she needed. The she spotted it.
A frypan. 
She knew Eugene had told her to avoid the Cornucopia, but this changed everything.
She glanced cautiously to either side of her. Belle was on one side, looking determined. Snow White was on the other side, gazing around the forest in wonder. Rapunzel wondered which of them would be the first to die.
Suddenly, there was the sound of a huge explosion. Rapunzel turned towards it. It seemed that Aurora hadn’t been able to keep herself awake. As soon as she fell asleep, she dropped off her platform onto the ground, and the explosives below. Rapunzel grimly turned back to the Cornucopia. There was no time to think on that now. The clock was counting down.
As soon as it hit one, Rapunzel leapt to the ground and sprinted towards the Cornucopia, towards her precious frypan. She wasn’t the first to reach the golden horn. Belle was there, grabbing a bow and arrows. Rapunzel grasped her frypan and turned to sprint towards the trees, her long plait trailing on the ground. Suddenly, she was jolted back. Belle had fired an arrow into her braid, pinning it to the ground. She attempted to free it, but it was too late. Belle sent another arrow spiralling towards her, and Rapunzel was the second to fall.
Ariel ran away from the action, into the woods, heading in the direction where she had seen a lake.
Snow White and Cinderella silently formed a pact, running off into the woods together.
Jasmine sprinted in the opposite direction to the others.
At the end of the day, there were only those two deaths. Belle, Mulan and Princess Fiona stayed by the Cornucopia, taking full stock of the weapons and forming plans to hunt down the other four.
The next day, the three Careers ventured into the woods to look for Cinderella and Snow White. They figured that they were going in the right direction when they heard singing up ahead. They emerged into a clearing to see Snow White talking to some woodland animals. Belle had drawn her bow to shoot, when Cinderella came out of nowhere, attacking Mulan from behind. Mulan spun, pulling out her sword, but Cinderella had the advantage, since her fairy godmother had heard her wishes for safety and sent her a full suit of armour and sword.
While they were distracted Snow White had been gathering a small army of woodland creatures, and now she sent them towards Belle and Princess Fiona. They quickly sprang into action, Belle picking of the creatures one by one with her bow. Fiona was swiftly overcome, disappearing under a swarm of small creatures. Left alone for the time being, Belle dropped her bow over and pulled out a sword, sprinting towards Snow White. Her animals jumped forwards to protect her, but Belle could not be stopped. She reached Snow White, and with a single strike, there was another Princess gone.
Meanwhile, Cinderella and Mulan were still fighting fiercely. When Cinderella saw Snow White fall, she gave a cry of anguish and turned, running back into the woods. Mulan and Belle decided there wasn’t time to pursue her.
Cinderella only had a temporary reprieve. As she crashed through the woods, she alerted another of the Princesses hiding there. The first Cinderella knew of her demise was a flash of orange and black stripes rushing towards her, then nothing.
Mulan and Belle headed back to the Cornucopia, and after talking, they decided that Ariel would be their next target. They guessed she would head towards water, so they set off in the direction of the lake. Little did they know, they were being followed.
That night, Ariel sat on a large rock in the middle of the lake to watch the faces that appeared in the sky. Snow White, Fiona and Cinderella, all dead. She added it up. Only four of them left now. She figured that Jasmine was the one to watch out for. Though she kept mostly to herself, Ariel was certain she had a devious streak.
Jasmine herself was hiding in a tree, watching Mulan and Belle set up camp, Rajah on the branch above her. She waited until the two of them were sleeping, and then jumped from the tree, Rajah following her, descending upon Belle in a streak of black and orange. Belle awoke as he landed, screaming at the sight of him, until she was silenced. Mulan bolted from her bed, grabbing her sword and turning to face Jasmine. The two of them circled each other warily, looking for weaknesses. Unfortunately for Mulan, she hadn’t seen how Belle had died, so she was completely unprepared when Rajah jumped from the tree above her and pinned her down, giving Jasmine time to go in for the final blow.
Ariel heard both cannons sound, closer to her than she expected. Someone was coming, whoever it was, she did not know. But there were only two of them left now. She retrieved her trident, sent to her by her father, and dove into the water, swimming closer to the shore. She watched as Jasmine stepped out from the tree line, Rajah beside her. Jasmine drew her sword and stepped forward into the water. She halted when she realised that Rajah wasn’t following her, as, unluckily for Jasmine, her fearsome tiger was afraid of water. She sighed in disgust and continued purposefully toward Ariel, leaving him stranded on the bank. When the two Princesses reached one another, Jasmine instantly sprang into action, slicing her sword upwards. However, the seawater slowed her stroke, and Ariel was able to easily block it, having fought in this environment many times. The two girls battled fiercely, until Ariel used her trident to trip Jasmine up, and as she sunk, struck the death blow.
The cannon sounded and Ariel stood in the water, her red hair swirling around her, as the announcement she had been waiting for boomed out across the country.
‘Princess Ariel is the winner of the 76th annual Hunger Games!’

((Don’t ask me how Rajah got into the arena … It was a very large parachute, okay?))